Ponder This…

Wow. Today is my 18th wedding anniversary. In my generation that is a huge feat. But I really don’t know if anyone, but John and I, truly understand the miracle of 18 years.

I turned 20, nine days before we married. John was only three years older than me. We met when I was 16 years old and he was a freshman at the local junior college playing baseball. From the moment I met him, I knew. I knew that every other man that crossed my path would be measured against John. I also knew, after talking with him for hours, that somehow, some way, I wanted him to be in my life forever.

Married life hit both of us like a ton of bricks. John had graduated and was working full time. I was finishing up a full load in college and working part/full time in the worst job of my life. We were still very self centered young un’s. We had baggage that unfortunately we didn’t even know how to check in at the front door. Quite frankly, it took years of the refining fire of marriage and life to unveil the broken parts of our humanity. Some were more obvious than others. Some had lots of comforts attached to them. Some were hidden way down deep inside of each of us.  Mortgages, late nights with crying babies, endless days of laundry and homemaking, the daily burden of providing well for a family, unmet expectations, unresolved hurt, disappointment and responsibilities all began to chip away at the facade of “having it all together”.

That’s when the choice of love had to win out over the illusion of love. The honeymoon was indeed over and we had to decide. Would we love for better AND for worse? Would we love when rich AND poor? Would we love in sickness AND in health? Mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally? Would we love by forsaking all others? Other ambitions? Other people? Other needs? Other wants? ALL others? Would we love for as longas we both shall live…and then some? Would we commit to choose to love until death parts us? Most days the answer to all of the above was yes. Some days it was no. Lots more it was, I’m not sure. But in the end, the choice to love won out. And I am beyond grateful that it did.

I once heard of a study that was done on several couples who were considering divorce. Almost half ended up divorcing, but the remaining couples decided to stay together. Five years later the researchers went back to the couples who stayed together and asked them if they were glad they did or if they felt they should have split up. Every single one said they were glad they stuck it out, because they realize now that they were just going through a rough patch and are glad they salvaged their marriage.

That’s us. We could have called it quits many times, but we didn’t. Sometimes because we knew we had committed before God to stay together forever. Sometimes because deep down I knew no one else would ever do. Honestly, I don’t believe anyone else could tolerate me. When I think about the times that giving up crossed my mind, I tremble. What if I had? I would have missed out on the greatest opportunity, the greatest journey and the greatest love experience of my life. Jesus’ love changed my life. But God used John’s love to change my life too.  John is the embodiment of unconditional, love-you-in-spite-of-yourself kind of love. His love and ability to forgive is a daily reminder to me of how God loves me. But it took 18 years to get here.

Friend, don’t give up. Young couple struggling to make it or struggling during a season of the blah’s, don’t give up. Those moments are opportunities to strengthen your marriage, to grow as a person and to prepare you to better handle what life will throw your way somewhere down the road. If you can’t make it through the small things, the big things will tear you apart. Learn to know the difference.  Always start with yourself in every conflict. (Lord, help me to remember this!) Go to Jesus. Get your needs and wants fulfilled by Him first. You may find that you have far less that needs to be fulfilled by your sweetheart once you give them to Jesus first. Serve one another. Allow each other to have a bad day, a bad week or even a bad month. Life beats up on the best of us. Be compassionate.  Pray for each other, lower the expectations, allow one another to be human. Commit your burdens in every area of your life to the Lord and let Him bring it to pass. Nagging never changed anyone for good.

Celebrating 18 years together isn’t something to brag about for John and I. It’s something that makes us weep. Something we are eternally grateful for. Something that reminds us of the journey and how blessed we are to have made it this far. I use to want a perfect marriage. I wanted no regrets, arguments or memories I wish I could change.  Well, I ended up with all of the above. But in God’s always redemptive way, even those things have worked together for our good.  Apart from Him we can do nothing. With Him nothing is impossible. Not even another 18 years. To God be the glory, great things He has done.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 2nd, 2009 at 11:27 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.